7.28.2009

ponderings.

  • A lady stopped by our table at the mall, where I was eating with a friend and her 2 kids, and well as my 4, and said "I just had to stop and tell you...IT GETS BETTER!!...actually, these are the best years, I KNOW, BELIEVE ME, I KNOW..." After I got past the self contradiction there, I was all puzzled because I was in a splendid mood enjoying my meal and my kids and my friends. I think i'm actually offended. Now, had she said this 4 hours later when I was grocery shopping with aforementioned kids in tow after trying on 87 sun dresses while my baby screamed and the rest tore around the dressing room and having to answer the same 14 questions 117 times each, in the same 4 hours (computing that...1628 questions collectively) maybe I wouldn't be shocked to have someone walk up just as I was giving the simplest of instructions the 39th time "please, can we walk straight with our eyes ahead of us" and "if I run your heel over with this cart it is not my fault because it's really hard to steer 400 pounds of groceries and toddler with one hand while trying to control the child in the other hand that is currently taking my boob out himself for a snack..please and thank you"
  • There was this really tall black man singing "Amazing Grace" to his baby daughter and I was looking around trying to find a speaker because he was that good. He apologized, saying he just got caught up and I stammered "no, it was beautiful, I was looking for a speaker because I thought it was the radio. You're an awesome singer..." He thanked me and said I made his day, and then continued his song. Likewise, Mr.
  • I broke down and decided to buy generic diapers because, well, all we are doing is filling them with urine and excrement and if I can pay $6 less per box, that would save us $48 a month...so I decided to try them on Trae to see if they leak/cause rash/etc, and if not, I'm buying them for both boys next time. I personally would never judge a person by the diaper on their kids butt, but I do feel like a Huggie or a Pamper is totally a status symbol and I'm wondering again why we are so caught up with that...
  • So I had this idea as I drove home that I want to try to get pretty flowers growing in my yard at all times during the summer so I can have fresh flowers on hand to cheer myself up on not so cheery days, or to make a simple bouquet to cheer someone else who is having one of those days. The trick, I decided, is to figure out what blooms when and then plant it arranged all nicely, which i'll probably suck at, but at least I can pluck a flower on a moments notice, all summer long. I think tulips would make my day sweeter today.
  • This blog. Oh this blog. It started out like many blogs I read...as a place to post pictures and updates for family and friends and morphed into something for me, a place to say whatever I wanted. Lately it's been a struggle to update it because somehow I started to feel like I had to censor everything I wanted to say because it could be taken the wrong way and offend someone. Sometimes I wrote about things that were really mis-interpreted and then the feedback I got in the comments made me feel worse than I had been feeling originally because the point hadn't gotten across at all, and likely I read to much into the comments that were made and it just all started to be to much and I started posting pictures and updates ad that was it. The thing is, I like being able to write things that other people think but would never say and I don't really want a blog like everyone else, because I am that way, always wanting to be cut from a different cloth...so I started thinking about tying it all up like a bow in a farewell post and walking away from it. Definitely, I have taken a step back from it to breathe and think about what I really want my blog to stand for. As most of you know, I don't believe in pretending to be what I'm not and I'm pretty random in my writing. I don't know what the future holds for this blog...I know that it will exist in some form, but I don't know if it will look like a scrapbook with pictures and updates about the kids and our family life...or if I'll get my groove and passion for writing candidly about life back and it will again be my outlet. I refuse to add disclaimers like the one I was about to mention about not being offended if you have a blog solely for the purpose of updating friends and family because I read your blog...I just also have a lot more to say over and above what cute things my kids did and I use this as a place to throw all the stuff that would otherwise clutter my mind and heart. I know not everyone can share all that stuff and probably I over share anyway, but it works so much better for me than bottling. Please know that every comment and click on my site is appreciated and validation that I have something to say and someone cares enough to read it. I think part of the struggle is if I write something and get no comments, I start to feel like it wasn't good, but I read updates on A LOT of blogs and rarely have time to comment so I bet that is the case with many readers here as well.....but I started to let that get to me a bit and started second guessing everything I was about to write, and then deciding you wouldn't like it and skipping it altogether. Anyway..it feels good to get that off my chest even if you guys are all rolling your eyes (Mariah :D) and I think doing that is what is ultimately going to be what gets me out of this funk.

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