So I haven't been in a particular mood to blog lately. Aside from the fact that winter is dragging on and on and on, well I don't know, I think that's the very reason right there. Besides that, the economy sucks and it's starting to scare me.

When we were first married, we had lots of extra money. I went for massages once a month and we ate out and had salon shampoo, which in my opinion is the best kind to have. Then we had Elliot. I still did the massage thing and had the good smelling shampoo, but we did fewer extravagant things. When Brookelyn was born, I did massages about every 3 months, but I still got my shampoo and was happy with that. Besides, I had my little rugrats to look after and it wasn't really a trade off because I was having so much fun. When Trae was born, I was ecstatic because we had put a lot of money, not to mention (my) our entire focus into conceiving. On the way home from the hospital, the transmission went out on our van. We had bought it in cash, but we didn't have the means to do that again, so a loan was taken out and we tweaked to make it work. Two months later, the transmission went out on Jason's truck, also paid off. Another loan was taken out, and soon we had things figured so that it still worked. Fourth baby comes, mom just had her first massage in over two years at Christmastime, with no plans of another one for a very long time. But, but what we've got going on over here...well, it's amazing.

I love to dress the kids up all cute and go out as a family and just be. Sure, we're not taking them to Disney On Ice, but they have more fun at the park anyway. I used to think that they had to do everything all the other kids were doing, or it somehow made us less adequate as parents. Now, I just know that we have to make it work with our budget and as long as we are with them, they are happy with that.

The other night when I took all four of the kids to Walmart and the grocery store, I thought it would be hectic and frustrating. Well, it was a bit of a challenge getting them all into the store, but once I didn't have to try to lug the carseat while bending to hold on to a tiny hand, it was all good. I even let Trae walk, I amazed myself there because I am such an impatient person and usually I'd force him in the cart as not to slow down the process. I grabbed necessities, told the kids no each time they asked for something, and headed out of the store. For most of my life, I've been trying to get to the next thing, and feel like I'm not thoroughly enjoying the moment.

I bought Suave shampoo, and you know what? It smells just as delicious as my expensive stuff and it suits my hair just fine.

You'd think I'd be looking forward to when I can have the expensive stuff again, right? That'd mean that we had excess money to go around again. Well, it also means my kids are that much closer to venturing out on their own, and I can wait on that.

I just can't wait for Jason to make it back and we can hang out, everyone together, and we can talk about how cute the kids are and read them books, and as soon as it warms up go for walks together.

Although this is disjointed and patchy writing, it's all I can do right now and it's what's on my heart today.
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