1.21.2009

Hardy har har....how InSensitive!

The Guys' RulesAt last a guy has taken the time to write this all down
Finally, the guys' side of the story.(I must admit, it's pretty good.)We always hear "the rules"From the female side.
Now here are the rules from the male side.These are our rules!Please note... these are all numbered "1"ON PURPOSE!
1. Men are NOT mind readers.
1. Learn to work the toilet seat.You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down.We need it up, you need it down.You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.
1. Sunday sports. It's like the full moonor the changing of the tides.Let it be.
1. Shopping is NOT a sport.And no, we are never going to think of it that way.
1. Crying is blackmail.
1. Ask for what you want.Let us be clear on this one:Subtle hints do not work!Strong hints do not work!Obvious hints do not work!Just say it!
1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.
1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do.Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a Problem.
See a doctor.
1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument.In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 Days.
1. If you won't dress like the Victoria 's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.
1. If you think you're fat, you probably are.Don't ask us.
1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of them makes you sad or angry, then we meant the other one
1. You can either ask us to do somethingOr tell us how you want it done.Not both.If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.
1. Whenever possible, Please say whatever you have to say during commercials.
1. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we.
1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings.Peach, for example, is a fruit, not A color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.
1. If it itches, it will be scratched.We do that.
1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," We will act like nothing's wrong.We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle, besides we know you will bring it up again later.
1. If you ask a question you don't want an an swer to, Expect an answer you don't want to hear.
1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine...Really.
1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball, the shotgun formation,or golf.
1. You have enough clothes.
1. You have too many shoes.1. I am in shape. Round IS a shape!
1. Thank you for reading this.Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight;But did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping.

*I laughed really hard, I'm only kidding.
*Brookelyn just commented that she thought my feet were Archers, so there...small feet.

All in a days work.

Back when I could still stomach romance novels*, someone told me that romance novels give you a false sense of how men really are, and in turn give us women unrealistic expectations of men. (I've heard this about pornography for men, gives them false expectations of what a womans body really looks like.)

I was reading a book to my kids this morning, We Help Daddy....you've heard of it? Well, let me tell you, either I have very low expectations, or this book gave me a warped perception of what I can expect out of my husband in a day. The book chronicles 13 things the daddy and the children do in a day, including:
  • fixing the attic door
  • pulling weeds from the garden
  • watering the plants
  • giving the hedge a "haircut"
  • giving the dog a bath
  • putting a coat of paint on the kitchen fence (whatever a kitchen fence is...from the picture maybe the fence outside the kitchen window...?)
  • hanging a picture above the fireplace
  • making a bird feeder from scratch, with a hand saw, mind you.
  • splitting logs for the fire (ahem, I thought we were just picking weeds, and we need a fire....wait, maybe it's chronicling a year, which sounds about right around here for the amount of work being done.)
  • clean the car
  • polish the car
  • Last of all, the mend the handle on little Benjy's dresser.
  • But wait, Benjy notices a nail sticking out of the bathroom door, so what the heck, they go ahead and fix that too.

The last page of the book specifically says the kids are very tired because they had a busy day helping daddy, so either my expectations are really low, or this is a fairytale. Incidentally, there is a book called "We help Mommy." I don't even want to know everything she can get done in a day, and I really don't want my husband to find out.

On a side note....I realize Trae isn't a baby genius or anything, but this morning he made me proud. Elliot brought home a weekly reader about Barack Obama, and it was lying on the coffee table. I asked Trae who it was, totally expecting him to say grandpa or Elliot as usual, but he smiled and said "Babomma!"

*Dulcie, your book was the first romance novel I read in years, and I loved it. To the point. I can't handle all the beating around the bush that goes on in LaVerle Spencer and Danielle Steel. I'll rad your next book to, so don't think I'm hatin' ;0)
Related Posts with Thumbnails
http://www.linkwithin.com/