7.28.2009

ponderings.

  • A lady stopped by our table at the mall, where I was eating with a friend and her 2 kids, and well as my 4, and said "I just had to stop and tell you...IT GETS BETTER!!...actually, these are the best years, I KNOW, BELIEVE ME, I KNOW..." After I got past the self contradiction there, I was all puzzled because I was in a splendid mood enjoying my meal and my kids and my friends. I think i'm actually offended. Now, had she said this 4 hours later when I was grocery shopping with aforementioned kids in tow after trying on 87 sun dresses while my baby screamed and the rest tore around the dressing room and having to answer the same 14 questions 117 times each, in the same 4 hours (computing that...1628 questions collectively) maybe I wouldn't be shocked to have someone walk up just as I was giving the simplest of instructions the 39th time "please, can we walk straight with our eyes ahead of us" and "if I run your heel over with this cart it is not my fault because it's really hard to steer 400 pounds of groceries and toddler with one hand while trying to control the child in the other hand that is currently taking my boob out himself for a snack..please and thank you"
  • There was this really tall black man singing "Amazing Grace" to his baby daughter and I was looking around trying to find a speaker because he was that good. He apologized, saying he just got caught up and I stammered "no, it was beautiful, I was looking for a speaker because I thought it was the radio. You're an awesome singer..." He thanked me and said I made his day, and then continued his song. Likewise, Mr.
  • I broke down and decided to buy generic diapers because, well, all we are doing is filling them with urine and excrement and if I can pay $6 less per box, that would save us $48 a month...so I decided to try them on Trae to see if they leak/cause rash/etc, and if not, I'm buying them for both boys next time. I personally would never judge a person by the diaper on their kids butt, but I do feel like a Huggie or a Pamper is totally a status symbol and I'm wondering again why we are so caught up with that...
  • So I had this idea as I drove home that I want to try to get pretty flowers growing in my yard at all times during the summer so I can have fresh flowers on hand to cheer myself up on not so cheery days, or to make a simple bouquet to cheer someone else who is having one of those days. The trick, I decided, is to figure out what blooms when and then plant it arranged all nicely, which i'll probably suck at, but at least I can pluck a flower on a moments notice, all summer long. I think tulips would make my day sweeter today.
  • This blog. Oh this blog. It started out like many blogs I read...as a place to post pictures and updates for family and friends and morphed into something for me, a place to say whatever I wanted. Lately it's been a struggle to update it because somehow I started to feel like I had to censor everything I wanted to say because it could be taken the wrong way and offend someone. Sometimes I wrote about things that were really mis-interpreted and then the feedback I got in the comments made me feel worse than I had been feeling originally because the point hadn't gotten across at all, and likely I read to much into the comments that were made and it just all started to be to much and I started posting pictures and updates ad that was it. The thing is, I like being able to write things that other people think but would never say and I don't really want a blog like everyone else, because I am that way, always wanting to be cut from a different cloth...so I started thinking about tying it all up like a bow in a farewell post and walking away from it. Definitely, I have taken a step back from it to breathe and think about what I really want my blog to stand for. As most of you know, I don't believe in pretending to be what I'm not and I'm pretty random in my writing. I don't know what the future holds for this blog...I know that it will exist in some form, but I don't know if it will look like a scrapbook with pictures and updates about the kids and our family life...or if I'll get my groove and passion for writing candidly about life back and it will again be my outlet. I refuse to add disclaimers like the one I was about to mention about not being offended if you have a blog solely for the purpose of updating friends and family because I read your blog...I just also have a lot more to say over and above what cute things my kids did and I use this as a place to throw all the stuff that would otherwise clutter my mind and heart. I know not everyone can share all that stuff and probably I over share anyway, but it works so much better for me than bottling. Please know that every comment and click on my site is appreciated and validation that I have something to say and someone cares enough to read it. I think part of the struggle is if I write something and get no comments, I start to feel like it wasn't good, but I read updates on A LOT of blogs and rarely have time to comment so I bet that is the case with many readers here as well.....but I started to let that get to me a bit and started second guessing everything I was about to write, and then deciding you wouldn't like it and skipping it altogether. Anyway..it feels good to get that off my chest even if you guys are all rolling your eyes (Mariah :D) and I think doing that is what is ultimately going to be what gets me out of this funk.

18 comments:

Ben, Heather & kids said...

*rolling my eyes* :)

It's your blog to do as you want.

I made my "mom" blog because I needed a place for me. At 1st I wanted it private, secluded - away from peoples thoughts and comments. So I kept it seperate from the kids blog. Now I really don't care. It's a place where I can say, speak, think what I want. If you don't like it, or don't agree with me, fine..then click outta my blog.

I love reading your blog. I TRY very hard to comment whenever I read. Your posts are honest, inspiring, funny, thought-provoking and so much more..but it's you- no show, no fake, no pretending!

So now that I wrote a mini post in your comment section.. I'll go tend to my 4 wild kids.. I better enjoy the 'best days' or are th best days still to come? :)

Duey and Kandace said...

I'm guilty of not leaving comments, but I am always checking in on your blog cause I really enjoy it! I wish I had your gift for writing and putting words together to express my thoughts and share my expierences.

Lindsay said...

i love you blog too- my blog-hopping just wouldn't be the same without it! besides, like other mommies, i can totally relate to many of your experiences and your humor factor rocks. plus, there is this thing called "freedom of speech"... go ahead and take advantage! :)
oh, and for the record... i don't always leave comments either. partly because sometimes i just don't know what to say and partly because i don't want to be a comment-on-every-little-thing person. :)

Tim and Melissa said...

Your blog is great...you can always bring a laugh to my day! It's your blog, so say what you wanna say. If people don't like it or 'get' it, well then la-dee-dah. They went to your blog on their own...no one made them.

Also:
1-did you smack that lady with your pet 2x4?
2-good luck with the off-brand diapers. I tried with both of the girls (even luvs, which isn't quite off-brand) and both ended horribly...one with a trip to the er (gave her such a rash that she wouldn't pee, it hurt s bad) and the other with numerous trips to the dr (hives...everywhere) I'm too scared to try with little man
3-sorry I don't comment more often. I'll try to be better!

Courtney said...

I know you have no idea who I am, but I am a faithful blog follower of yours...via Googlereader, so though I don't always comment, I always read. The fact that you're "cut from a different cloth" shines through in your writing and is one of the reasons I love peeking in on your family! :)

That being said, I really just wanted to endorse Luvs diapers. They are a lot cheaper than huggies or pampers and work great on both boys and girls. I have also used Target and Walmart brands, but prefer Luvs. Happy diapering!

shadon said...

girl...you know i'm gonna support your decision if you decide to blog openly like we had talked about. i actually thought of starting a blog and posting items for other people that didnt feel they had the balls to post. i know your like me in that you say what you think ;) i'm all for it!! i think everyone really should be that way ALL the time! so i say go for it...i'm behind you 100%!!! besides, its amazing how much better you feel when you say what you really want to :)

Amber said...

Thanks for the suggestion, Luv's cause really bad rash for the boys...we tried those a few months ago. We had our first sirty diaper with the Parent's Choice and it leaks out the leg holes, so I will probably regret buying them...we'll see.

Jeanine said...

Love your ponderings and thoughts, was in a funk today, but when I read your blog, (haven't read it in awhile), felt better. Your way with words is great. Thanks

shadon said...

btw...that was in NO WAY demeaning ...my comment about those who don't have the balls to post what they really think!!! some just aren't like that, which is ok :) amber...you know what i mean, right?

Keisha said...

I love reading your blog and check it at least 2-3 times a day because I love that you don't hold any thing back and you say what is on your mind. Keep it up and don't worry if some people have issues with it.

Neisha said...

I bought cheap-o diapers. I thought people were nuts for spending $$ to buy the name brand ones. Don't get me wrong, I used name brand too but I like to save $$ so....

Oh please don't go! I enjoy your blog. I love your honestly too. MAkes me feel better in knowing that my kids aren't the only ones or I'm not the only mom who does... (whatever).

Mariah said...

You go girl. Just don't leave us. :)

I've often had that issue myself... like wondering if I should post about something frustrating at work/etc but then I never did because there was that chance that someone would read it from there..

I say, forget everyone else. If they're offended by what you truly think, then they should maybe re-evaluate why they're reading the blog in the first place. After all, isn't a blog supposed to be a mix between a diary and a scrapbook? :) Mine always leans more towards diary.

lanae said...

I love your blog too - just don't have a lot of time to comment sometimes. Like others have said, I like that you are honest, and I like your expressive writing style too. I relate to a lot of stuff you write, and it's nice to know that another mom feels the same way I do about some things/people/situations.
About diapers, yeah pampers/huggies seem to sort of be a status thing somehow. I have always preferred huggies. With my lil girl now though I have switched to cloth diapers (like Fuzzi Bunz) and love those. They're cute too! Still use huggies at night, tho. If we do decide to have another, I will probly just do mostly cloth with that.
So anyway, keep blogging! You're touching/helping lots of people!

Jason, Sarah, Tristan, and Wade said...

I buy diapers from Costco and they only have 2 brands...Huggies and the Store Brand. Huggies cost $0.191 per diaper and Store Brand cost $0.19. So, yeah, Huggies are a tenth of a cent more. Therefore, I buy Huggies. The tabs on store brands always seemed to rip on me. Maybe that's because I'm trying to wrestle the kid down with one hand and yank the diaper on with the other. Ripped tabs stink, because it's a big waste of a diaper!! About your blog, I really, really enjoy reading it. You are a good story teller and can take something that happened to you and make it interesting enough to entertain us! That's quite a talent! I know what you mean about being bothered by people's comments (or lack of them), but don't let it discourage you!

Sam said...

I am taking the easy way out and just going to say: "what they said" You know I love you and what you have to say, you wouldnt be you if you didnt, keep at it sweety! Lobe ya;)

Jeff & Aleigh said...

Seriously....I'm here EVERY day, even if I don't comment! I get virtually NO comments on my blog and that's why I stop posting for awhile but yanno - it's not just for them, it's for me too!! I love reading about your kids and family!! You always make me laugh!! :)

shaunandhelen said...

Count me in as a infrequent commenter but frequent reader-- And I'm in no way offended as a blogger who just does pics of the kids :) I always enjoy the realness of your writing. I also enjoy your stories about outings with your kids cause if there is anything I like to avoid it is having to shop/run errands with my kids :)

Heather T said...

...i think our computers hate each other...cuz i left a comment on here the other day and it's not here...sigh...anyway, all i said was "i love u, gf!";0)

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