3.30.2009

It's a darn good thing my husband doesn't snore....

Back Story: I hate listening to people snore, and although I used to want to rip their face off or put a pillow over their head*...I am somewhat tolerant of it now. My strategy is to try to get to sleep before them, which never works because when your thinking about falling asleep fast so you don't have to lie awake and listen to snoring, it never works. If that doesn't work...and it never does, I resort to clearing my throat loudly or wiggling the snorers head or yelling their name until they stop.

We are all sick with bi-polar noses...plugged up enough that we have to mouth breathe, and then all of a sudden, DRIP, right on your paper....

I set up the vaporizer in our room because Archer is really sick with wheezing and coughing. Last night I stayed up way to late on the internet so I was really tired when I finally got into bed. The vaporizer was empty, so I filled it all up after wrestling the stupid motor out, because they make them now so you have to line up this little plastic tab with a teeny tiny slot to get the motor part off to fill it with water. Of course both Archer and Trae are asleep in our room, so wrestling with this stupid vaporizer at the cost of waking one or both of them up is aggravating me big time, but I finally got it all set with water and Vick's VapoSteam and get my teeth all brushed. Then I remember the only way I can quit coughing long enough to sleep is if I have a cough drop in my cheek, because the mouth breathing dries out my throat, but I can't breathe through my nose even a little (this must be so attractive to my husband) so I grab a Hall's Vitamin C drop in my favorite flavor, grapefruit, and it tastes like junk because I just brushed my teeth. What I'm establishing here is that I'm annoyed with this ridiculous sickness we've had for 12 days, I'm already over tired, and now my cough drop is bitter.

I climb into bed and am almost asleep when I think I hear Trae gasp a little. I sit up in a panic and ask Jason whats wrong with him...he ignores me so I wait and hear it again, except it's not Trae, it's the stupid humidifier. I wish I didn't live in fear of missing something (like a gasp) and think that my kids are dying somehow because it puts me on high alert and makes it hard to fall back asleep once I establish they are alive and well. So I figure out that Trae is fine (and I'd love to put him in his crib so that he doesn't keep me awake all night by pulling my hair and/or hogging the entire king size bed, but I tried that 3 times already tonight and he wakes up and I'm to tired to deal with getting him back to sleep, plus my plan is to force Jason to do it later, he said some pretty hilarious things the other night that made no sense...) and I settle back down to drift off....and the stupid vaporizer is "snoring." It wheezes and sputters and snorks and sounds just like a snorer! My foul mood is quickly escalating, but I just keep whining to Jason like a three year old "UUUAAaaaagh, that stupid thing is soooo annoyyying..." hoping he'll get up and fix it because after all, he is supposed to protect this family, but he stays sound asleep. Oh, and I know I am acting juvenile, it's just that I am so tired and I want to sleep and snoring makes me so IRATE and I just want the stupid thing to DIE, but I know that it's whats best for my baby, so I cannot bring myself to unplug it.

So finally I hop out of bed and wrestle with the stupid tabby thing, trying to line it up with the slot. I yank it out, spilling the vaposteam, but I could care less at this point, as long as the dumb thing stops snoring. I get it all reassembled without waking anyone, and viola! the snoring stops....



.........for roughly 20 seconds. Enough time for me to get back into bed, butt pressed against Jason for warmth, pillow all fluffed....ready to drift off again.

So I resort to just putting my pillow around my head to cover my ears, since I can't completely cover my head or the mouth breathing would force me to smell my own breath, and smelling breath is another pet peeve and the very reason we cannot sleep facing each other. At some point I must have gotten so tired that the snoring vaporizer and the click clack of the swing couldn't keep me awake, and I slumbered and slept, albeit unsoundly what with the kid yanking my hair all night.

*obviously I would never have done this...all you snorers in my life...:0)

5 comments:

Mindy said...

thanks for the early morning laugh! i know it's not really funny though. hope you get better soon. seems like the sicknesses of this year are lingering & lingering.

Stacy said...

Ugh, poor you! Sounds miserable & I'm right there with you. This is the worst cold I've had in years. That last part with the "kid yanking on your hair" made me laugh!

Ben, Heather & kids said...

Bummer on being sick! I had to laugh at Jason ignoring/or being fast asleep.. because that is so much like Benjamin. Not too much can wake him up once he hits that pillow!

Maggie May said...

oh dear. i was sick all weekend too, and now my kids aren't feeling good. if anyone starts snoring, i'll put peppers in their noses.

Heather T said...

Good story!:0) Well, ok, not really...sounds rather exhausting and I think I would have yanked my own hair right out by the roots...isn't it frustrating how the littlest things can be SO annoying when all you want is sleep?? Hope you all get feeling better fast...stinks to be sick.

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