3.09.2009

I was sitting at the supper table tonight with what someone recently referred to as "the herd" and then "the flock" and I finally suggested maybe "the family" was the word he was looking for, calling them all lovingly by the wrong names and begging them to use their manners when they ate. I was doing supper alone, because Jason is MIA for tonight at least and possibly the remainder of the week. (which would be great because it's whitesheet and piles of $$) Anyway, there was a picture of Trae's tiny little feet when he was newborn and it got me to thinking, how did I even get to this place? How did I get to be the mother of 4 amazing kids? I somehow have 3 sons and a daughter, how lucky am I. No matter what, I will always have been the mother to my children and the wife to my husband, no matter what. Sometimes I love them so much it breaks my heart. I suppose I love them so much all the time, but when I take the time to ponder just how intense it is, my heart just hurts because I have no idea how long I get to keep them, or if I'll be around to see them grow and have families of their own. I get to be the one to answer the tough questions, like "where do Ninja's live...?" (anyone know?)

I have no idea when it became socially unacceptable to have more than, say, one or two kids, but frankly if you have that opinion and disapprove of our choice (and it was a conscious one) to have 4 kids, do me a favor and keep that little gold nugget to yourself. I am starting to get very offended because everytime I turn around someone is commenting about how I have to many kids. What I'd love to say to them is "If I had to choose one to have never known, who do you think I should choose?" Because I cannot imagine my life any different and know that without any one of them our story would be so different and our lives so incomplete. I don't care what you do in your family...have one, have 2, have a dozen...just stop making it seem like my children wouldn't be missed if we hadn't been blessed with them. We love our kids and hearing your off handed comments and "jokes" about "not knowing what causes pregnancy" are rude and insensitive, and to me feels like you're just saying that any one of our children could be missing and the world would not be changed. Better yet, that the world would be better off with out them. Please and thank you.

Now if you'll excuse me, I'm off to tuck them in.

17 comments:

Ben, Heather & kids said...

I am signing my name below yours on this post! As a mom of 4, I agree 100% with what you wrote! I couldn't have put it any better!

*Heather*
:0)

Lindsay said...

i agree- whether you have one or a dozen (or more), the love is the same. people who make rude comments must have been deprived of that... anyhoo, sounds like you've taken a short stroll down memory lane; me too! hope things are going ok for you :)

Ryan Ashley Scott said...

I only wish I had four. I'm lucky to have the one I've got, and kids are a lot of work, but what I wouldn't give for another few crumb-crunchers running around here! You are blessed.

Elissa & Logan said...

People who don't understand having children aren't made to have them.
What better way to prove God's miracles, then to have a child!

Mommy to those Special Ks said...

Amen!!! I couldn't have said it better myself!

Shelley said...

How many children one decides to have is 100% up to them. (Well, almost.. at least not up to anyone else). Everyone else should stay out of it. (I must admit that there are some people who it would be nice if were infertile, but they seem to be able to multiply quite well.) BUT those who love and care for their children should have as many as they would like. This world needs more children who are loved who become adults who know how to love.

Sorry about those who are unable to have more children but would like to. Sorry about the insensitive people who tell them it would be good if they wouldn't be raising an only child. Or those who say - are you one of the selfish ones who don't want children?

Keep up the good work... loving your children.

Lis A. said...

Does it really matter if you have alot of kids or not?! shouldnt it be a personal opinion?! i dont think having 4 kids is alot..i wanna have 5 or 6. :) i always have. more power to the people that have lots of kids!! Its a lot of work and money but so worth it!!

Andy, Jessica & Ayla said...

I agree Amber...people should keep their thoughts to themselves.....I get the same thing from people because we are 99% sure Ayla will be our only child....and it hurts too, when people feel they need to express how they feel about OUR choice.

Tim and Melissa said...

Amber, people will say something no matter what. You have your kids close in age, you'll get the "wow, you're pregnant ALREADY?". You have your kids a few years apart and you get "so when's the next one coming...aren't you having any more?". You have two of one sex and people immediately assume you're going to keep trying until you get one of the opposite sex. And if/when you do get pregnant with one of the opposite sex, people assume you're sooo relieved and would not have been happy with a third of the same sex. If you have one kid, that's not enough...if you have a few, well then surely that's too many.

So, basically, people just don't know how to keep their mouths shut. Or they don't realize how offensive their insensitive comments are. Or maybe both?

If you're happy with the decisions you've made (which I know you are), just smile and ignore. Those other kinds of people will never go away...

Neisha said...

I too feel like some people should take a test before having kids.
I also agree that it's up to the parents to decide how many they want and that it's no one else's business. I always wanted 4 then had one and thought maybe just 2 or 3. Now I'd like 3 but things are not going too great right now.
I've also been made more aware of those couples who can't have children and feel greatly for them because we (or I) just take it for granted that I will be able to have as many kids as we decide.
I don't think 4 kids are a lot, I came from a family of 4 and loved it because we had friends to play with right at home. I feel sorry for only children because they don't know the blessing and pleasure of having siblings.

Duey and Kandace said...

I can't believe people actually say those things!!! Duey and I have always wanted to have 4 children, so I don't see what their big deal is. Your kids are SO lucky to come from a home where they are so loved!

ethel said...

another mother of 4 checking in...and if it was meant to be i'd have more...children have always and will always be a blessing! you've got me all revved up now! do people really say that to you?? well, i guess i've heard jokes too, but..you've got me thinking now..

Angie said...

Plain and simple people are curious and opinionated. There will be over 2.5 years between Chloe and the next one and you would not believe the number of people who asked us if we were having any more. Or any at all before we had kids - Chloe was born a couple months shy of our 4th wedding anniversary. Apparently for some people that is too long to wait? I have chose to simply ignore it. Most people are just curious and don't know what to say (I know, say nothing at all, but still...)
Personally, whether you choose to have 1 or 4 or 6 or maybe none at all is a very personal choice and one you should be free to make.

Shannon said...

the best parents out there are the ones who don't have kids. hardy har har har har.

agree 100%.

Heather said...

People like that suffer from a disorder known as "Betteroffkeeping Theirmouthshut" caused by insensitivity and the lack of ability to think before they speak. Symptoms include offensive remarks or jokes, offhandedness in dealing with the feelings of others and utter stupidity. Unfortunately researches have yet to determine if the disorder is environmental or genetic, and as of March 2009 have yet to find a cure. If you come in contact with anyone showing signs of this disorder, please consult the nearest 2x4 for immediate gratification. To prevent the onset of this disorder in your own life, proceed carefully when dealing with the feelings of others and always think before you speak. This will require a fraction of brain power. Use at your discretion.;0)

OR, you can just do what everyone else said and forget the stupid ppl's comments!;0) I do happen to like my pet 2x4, tho....he's so handy!;0)

Jacinda said...

Love your post. When I was pregnant with Adelynn so many people when they found out it was a girl said..."That's great now you have one of each and you can stop." It shocked Kent to hear such a thing.

Cheri said...

It really wasn't all that long ago large families were the norm. My great grandparents had 10 kids, grandparents 5, and my parents had 2. What's next? I do think no matter what you do, somebody is going to have an opinion about it!

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